Letter of Complaint: Clairvoyants

15 May, 2010

Hi,

I’ve found a brilliant writing competition called “Letter of Complaint”.  The idea is that each month you submit your letter(s) of complaint to their website, about whatever you like.  It has to have truth to it, and be written as if it were a real letter.  Then people vote on the best one and the winner gets a massive £30 – for doing a bit of moaning.  Of course I entered it.

But the thing was, that they didn’t post my letter of complaint.  So then I had to send another letter of complaint to them, complaining about their letter of complaint website, and the fact that I was robbed of my fair crack at the £30 prize.  They didn’t post that letter on their site either.

So, I thought instead, we could just play it ourselves – obviously, without the £30 prize.  (Although, I’ve still got a tin of marrotfat peas left over from my “Wow! How does he do it?” competition).

Here’s how it works:

You write your letter of complaint, about something true and then tag five people to do it too.  Then stick a link to your letter in “my comments” so my readers can find you.  This is open to anyone with enough time on their hands to play.  If you want to play and don’t have a blog,  send it by email and make me laugh.

My tags are Potty Diaries , Nixdminx, Slummy Single Mummy and Crystal Jigsaw.   I was going to tag Pants with Names, but she’s beaten me to it and has already posted several entries.  Talk about competitive – it’s only a tin of marrowfat peas for god’s sake.

bye xxx

Here’s my letter of complaint:

Dear Clairvoyants,

Re: My future.

I am writing to complain about the predictions I have received from clairvoyant services in 2007/8.  The delay in this letter was due to my eagerness to believe that these predictions would come true. But, I have to admit that I am a little disappointed with the general accuracy on a number of points. Specifically:

  1. I trusted your prediction that I would have a child in five years time.  Thus, when my stomach began to swell, I assumed it was bloating and defied the Doctors who told me I was having a baby.  I was wrong and so were you.
  2. My husband did not leave his lover and return to me.  Having been advised by you not to accept him upon his return, I would also like to say just how disappointing it has been to write, and rehearse, my rejection speech for three years and find no opportunity to use it.
  3. I have not had a dramatic life changing event, which has propelled me into an exciting new career path.  Nor have I moved into the large family home (with stables) that this opportunity would afford me.
  4. Despite keeping an eye on my finances in September, the additional income did not materialise in my bank account.  I also checked the kid’s money boxes regularly, again with no result.  In fact, I would say that the coin jar has less in it now than ever before.
  5. None of the men who you said would be fighting for my affection have materialised.  Nor have I accidently bumped into a man called Joe, who works with the homeless, nor have I met his child from a previous marriage. Although I have met several men called Joe in the past couple of years, I have not instantly recognised any of them as my soul mate, nor fallen passionately in love with them.
  6. I think that in fairness, I should have been given some warning about meeting Robin Tobin online.  I think at least it should have been mentioned that he would be trying for a baby with three women, unbeknown to me, while we were dating.  This information was in fact gleaned from his Facebook page, something I would expect your “insight” to have picked up on.
  7. I was told I am psychic and I should practise doing psychic readings on others.   My psychic advice, on how friends should live their lives, has been far from well received.  I have found time and again, that the exact opposite has come to pass.
  8. Although I regard my two sons highly, neither one of them has yet shown the “greatness” you said would be self evident.  Of course they are still young, but even I have to admit, the signs so far seem to indicate they are “normal”, rather than prodigious.
  9. I am not running a multi national company employing hundreds of people.  While I am very busy from day to day, my role would still largely be defined as “stay at home mother.”
  10. I am neither, thin, rich, in love or living out my life’s wildest dreams – except when I am asleep.

In light of these inaccuracies concerning my life’s course and events, I feel compelled to write and complain.  I predict that you will send me a full refund for the fees I was charged in 2007/8.

Yours sincerely,

A. Sucker

13th Oct 2010

Just a little update on Robin Tobin, here’s what his former business partners posted about him on the net.

http://www.snowbooks.com/weblog/2010/10/announcement.html#more

——

24/11/ 2011  Update:

I think it’s only fair that I publish Robin Tobin’s side of the story (as he’s written threatening me with legal action because of that link).  Basically, he says it’s not true all the stuff about (yawn) Onyx Central.  (Although he says nothing about trying for a baby with all those women at the same time?!).  I’m not in a position to say whether the business stuff is or it isn’t true, so only fair to put both sides on here.  xxx

He writes:

“Dear Hari,

Re: Robin Tobin/Onix Central Limited/Snowbooks Limited

The publication: http://www.snowbooks.com/weblog/2010/10/announcement.html#more.

The above link on your blog links to material that is both a lie and defamatory. Your linking is republishing for the purposes of defamation.

More specifically the software that was created whilst working with Emma Barnes is neither (or was ever the property of Onix Central Limited (Company No. 06785801). And was not “pirated”; copied or otherwise any breach of any intellectual copyright.

The blog post: https://thankyouforthedays.co.uk/2010/05/15/letter-of-complaint-clairvoyants/ is a republication.

Your republication has caused consequential loss.

If you have a legal representative who you would wish to deal with this matter going forward please forward their details.

Yours sincerely,

Robin Tobin”

Advertisements

20 Responses to “Letter of Complaint: Clairvoyants”

  1. Potty Mummy Says:

    Oh this one is FABULOUS! My only problem is where to start… Will get back to you on my response Hari (and thanks for the tag!)

  2. jomiddleton Says:

    Thanks for the tag Hari, I will give some thought to what to complain about!


  3. It’s a great meme and thanks for the tag! Those poor clairvoyants didn’t know what they were letting themselves in for!

    Leave it with me…
    CJ xx


  4. What a shame he/she got it so wrong. Sounds like things have been tough. Wishing you happier times ahead x

  5. Hari Says:

    Rosie: Don’t take it too seriously, things are fine. They were awful a few years ago. But now things have really eased off. Consequently, it gives me good reason to really happy and grateful most of the time. xx

  6. MrsMe Says:

    3 women at once and you at the same time? Blow me your poor kids.

  7. Hari Says:

    My kids are fine – they didn’t meet him. And I found him out before I shagged him, so it was all fine in the end.

    I’ll write a post about him one day and the facebook page I set up on him (the one that’s still live)

    Hell hath no fury as two-timed women with broadband

    xxx

  8. Dan Says:

    Anyone would think that Clairvoyants were actually con artists! 🙂


  9. Very funny. Not sure that running a multinational is your kind of thing sweetie, although I think you’d do it brilliantly. I like the sound of that Joe chappy though. Not tempted to do a little voluntary work with the homeless just in case?! XX

  10. Hari Says:

    Voluntary work with the homeless? Do you mean picking up guys on the street called Joe, and asking them to move in with me? (With a view to something more long term, obviously).

    Good idea PM. Thanks xxxx


  11. Oh, I LOVE this. So Ms. Sucker, where did you find this truths(l)ayer?

    Mine don’t count as letters? They are merely postcards, but a snippet of a complaint. Now I shall have to go and think about what I really want to complain about. There is a wide range of possibilities! Thanks for the tag! x

  12. Kristin Says:

    Brilliant! Did you get your refund?

    I like this meme. One never lacks for things to complain about.


  13. Loved this post! Very funny!

  14. Hari Says:

    Thanks guys.
    Dan, Kirstin, Susie are you going to join in? With a little letter of your own xx


  15. I do try not to complain (or at least not without finding the silver lining…)

  16. helen Says:

    brilliant !!! not laughed so much in ages….

  17. jessy Says:

    You should open a complaint consulting firm! Some Companies would do send you vouchers for this hahhahahaha xx

  18. Jane Smith Says:

    I got the same email from him today.

    For goodness’ sake. How to make a messy situation even worse, eh?

  19. Hari Says:

    I have to admit I’m worried about the repercussions of all this. I mean, I could end up imprisoned in Azkaban for years over what I’ve done to Robin. What’s gonna happen to my kids? I guess if there’s no one to look after them, they’ll just have to go to Hogwarts and make the best of it. I haven’t slept in hours worrying about this.

  20. Jane Smith Says:

    Your kids will be out on the streets. They can keep mine company. We will both be imprisoned forever for our meanie-pants ways.

    I haven’t lost a wink of sleep over this, though. I’m tough. Grrrr.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: