Reputation…………

16 January, 2013

I’ve forgiven you, Mr Ex, for your abandonment.  It’s ok, you went and we are both happier that way.

I’ve forgiven you for not caring when I was pregnant with your third child.  Others were there with support and real love.

I’ve forgiven the time I asked you for £20 a week for food for me and the children,  you couldn’t afford it. Someone else stepped in and saved me from the abyss.

Ha, or that time when I was in labour and asked you to collect the kids.  Remember?  You said no, cos you were going out with your girlfriend that night.  It’s ok, I’m not holding on to that one, water under the bridge now.

It doesn’t matter to me that you left with thousands of pounds of debt, which I’ve managed to slowly clear over the years, even though you were working and I wasn’t.  It’s ok, life’s not about the money.

 
That you lied to the Child Support Agency and paid £7 a week for your three children. You spent more on coffee on your way to work.  But it’s ok, I really don’t care anymore.

 

That you’ve broken Sami’s heart so many hurtful times, I’ve picked up the tearful pieces and repaired his love for you.  He’s ok, a deeper, more thoughtful person for it.  I understand you’ll never know what you’ve done to him.

That you didn’t watch our 2 year old on the riverboat and took the kids to drug fueled parties.  It’s ok, guardian angels were on hand to tell me what was going on, I was lucky.  I accept that part of you that thinks that’s ok.

I accept that you side against the children with Mrs Ex., instead of protecting them from her bias opinions.  I forgive you, you have a relationship to manage, it’s ok.

But, Mr Ex, I had only the one thing left.  You’re tearing it to pieces, deliberately.  There’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Reputation; just another attachment – one I didn’t even realize I had.

I forgive you for bringing me back to the sad, angry place.

Only I can set myself free.

 

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