I can see clearly

21 June, 2013

I‘ve spent the day with an old friend, over from the US.  Hence I ignored you for most of the day.  If you’re wondering why I’ve suddenly started bothering with my blog at all, it’s because another good friend, the artist formerly known as Toni-cool-but-embarassing-le-busque (TAFKATCBELB) said she wanted a post a day from me.  A post a day!  Is she insane, I asked myself.  The unanimous cry from my subconscious was, yes, she’s totally off her rocks, but you knew that already and a post a day is something to aspire for.  Formerly, I was knuckling down to a post, oh at least every couple of months (or so), which yes, I found demanding, but heck I did it anyway.

Today’s visit was one of those lovely friendships where it’s like there’s been no time between you, even though we haven’t seen each other for 13 years.  She joked casually at how “flighty” I used to be.  I nodded in laughing agreement, wondering what the feck she was talking about.  She was staying in a hotel in London.  She was supposed to have been staying with someone she knew.  But, she couldn’t bear the filth in their house.
“Oh my god, it was so awful,” she explained, “like three times as bad as yours, their dogs shit all over the place.”

Now, I admit that I’m a long way from being obsessive compulsive, when it comes to tidying up, dusting and er, the rest of that er, stuff you’re supposed to do in a house.  But, I would describe my home as quite a lot more than a mere “three times better” than a house full of dog shite, thank you.  I’ve got a window cleaner for god’s sake, doesn’t that count for anything?  He’s a Jehovah Witness (JHW), he has standards and even turns down work because of his strict code of personal ethics y’know.  And, he’s done the insides.  And he stays for a coffee, without even bothering to trying and convert me.  (Although, I do concede that last point is a bit strange).  I recently found out that my mum’s window cleaner is also a JHW.  A quirky coincidence?  I thought not, so I decided to conduct extensive research into the matter.  It took six weeks to get the answers I was looking for.  That might be because he had only just done the windows and I had to wait till next time he did his round.  But when I saw him, I gave him a grueling interview (over coffee and biscuits).

Mike the Jehovah witness window cleaner: “So, we’re not allowed to do things that would be bad in the eyes of god, just to make a money?”
Me:  “Oh right, so that would be like bad karma, right?”
MTJHWWC: No, we don’t believe in karma.  That’s an invention of Satan to lead humankind away from the path or righteousness.”
Me: Of course.  So, you mean you have to be careful about how you make money?
MTJHWWC:  Yes, very careful.  That’s why a lot of us like window cleaning, although there are some people that we wouldn’t window clean for, we can’t take their money for ethical reasons.  People don’t realise how crafty Satan can be, so we’re always on guard against him.
Me:  Oh tell me about it.   Caught me out a few times over the years.
MTJHWWC:  His goal is to get us engaged first in his work and then his worship.  We have to be really vigilant about everything we do, especially when it comes to what we do to earn money.
Me:  Ok, I get it.  Funnily enough, I used to live just behind that massive publishing place you’ve got in Brooklyn.  God, that place is like a whole city block long.  Imagine what it’s worth nowadays?
MTJHWWC:   $100,000,000.
Me: Really?
MTJHWC:  Oh yes, I know because the Elders sold it to a pension company last year.
Me:  Er, is that allowed?
MTJHWWC: The Elder’s explained it’s ok, we still own more than half of Manhattan.  We rent all the buildings out.
Me:  Er??

Anyway, my old friend and I picked up the kids up from school, so they got to meet her briefly.  Then she went back to London on the train.  As we drove away from the station, three happy voices from the back seat said to me;
“Remember Mummy, you promised us ice cream because we did such a good job tidying-up for your friend.”

Jehovah Witnesses fighting crime and grime.

Bye x

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2 Responses to “I can see clearly”

  1. Claire Potter Says:

    I have that window cleaner too.

    Your blog is f*ckin great! The inside of your head works in ways I haven’t quite encountered before.


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